The Sunday Funnies

Do you run out on Sunday morning, grab the newspaper and a cup of coffee and jump back in bed to read the Sunday funnies? Alas, there is another version of the Sunday funnies. Look no further for here’s the Vonnie and Bob version a day late.

"Climbing Into Bed"
We’ve put a new twist on “climbing into bed.” Each night that we sleep in our camper we have to make a two step climb into the bed and I’m finding it more and more challenging to hoist my bones into that bed. As I said earlier, our rig has very limited space so there’s a place for everything and everything has its own bag. This ole bag is having trouble getting into her place.

"Something Shrunk or Someone Grew"
“The streets of my childhood have shrunk.” I said to Bob and my cousin Ralph. “When I was little growing up here these streets seemed long as I walked to school or went to the store for my mother. It was a long walk to the rec center to play.”
Bob said. “Well, maybe it’s because you’ve gotten bigger.”
Cousin Ralph thought Bob was funny and had a good laugh. I thought Bob was being as smart alec.

"From Raincoat to Snowcoat"
In Dallas we purchased raincoats in Walmart and put them on in the store foyer. After experiencing a frost-on-the-grass morning in Missouri and bone-chilling cold in Kansas, Bob went to the Goodwill looking for a winter coat. “Look at this.” He said excitedly. “It’s a down jacket.” He tried it on over his raincoat. “If it fits over my raincoat, it will work fine. How does it look? Check the back to see if there’s anything wrong with it.”
“It looks good to me.” I said.
“If the price is right, I’m buying this.”
The price was right and he bought it. He put it on in the store foyer and walked out warm and toasty.

"Riding and Rolling"
On a morning when Bob was up early and ready to roll and I was grousing about how early and cold it was we decided I should try riding in the camper while he drove. After all we may have to do it if one of us gets sick. As Bob went merrily off to get in the truck, he said, “Call me if you need to get out.” For the next hour and a half I bounced around on that bed like Flopsy the rag doll. The cold was bone-chilling. I decided I should just stay on my back with the down comforter pulled up around my neck. After an hour I gave up. I reached for my phone, but we’re in “roam.” I can’t call him. Thirty minutes later we had service just long enough for me to get a ring through. Bob pulled up on the side of the road. When he opened the door I laughed and hollered, “Get me out of here.” We were headed to Omaha but, to my shock and surprise, we were on a Missouri country road and there was frost on the grass.
“That was the worst road we’ve had since we left home.” Bob said.
“Yeah, I know.”

"Overnight in the Church Parking Lot"
When we arrived in Newport my cousin told us to park in the church parking lot for the night. Early Saturday morning church members began arriving at the church for Saturday church activities. I immediately detected much concern and consternation about strangers in a strange vehicle in the parking lot. I introduced myself and invoked my cousin’s name and my aunt’s name and folks calmed down. Sometimes it just helps to be connected.
“Oh my goodness.” said my cousin. “What if you were some folks just parked there waiting for the church to open so you could go in and pray.”

"We Got Our Flu Shot"
We procrastinated for a while about getting our annual flu shot and finally decided to get serious before it was too late. In Newport, RI the first two places we checked were out of the vaccine. The third would be giving the shots the next day between 10AM and 2PM. People with insurance and seniors with Medicare would be given the shot free. We got in line at 10:15 behind 27 people. Bob, the technician, used his cell phone to time the pace of the line and determined we would have to wait an hour and a half. OK, we’ll take turns standing. As we got closer to the head of the line we were given a form to complete. The person reviewing the form said we’d have to pay $30 each because we were not insured Rhode Island residents and we did not have our Medicare cards with us. No matter that we had our Kaiser cards showing we are insured and that we are Medicare recipients. We fussed and fumed with every person in charge who would listen, all to no avail. We got our shot, paid our $60 and walked away complaining. Again I say, “Yes, President Obama, the healthcare system does need fixing.”

"Steaks or Snakes?"
Bob pulled off the road and ran around to the camper for a potty break. I stayed in the truck. Soon I hear my phone ringing and I hear him say, “We’re parked in a bed of snakes.” I think, oh my goodness I’m going to have to crawl over the seat and drive us out of a snake pit.
“Are you OK?” I said.
“Yes, there are cattle as far as I can see, thousands of them. We’re parked in a bed of steaks.”
Snake meat is a delicacy and snakeskin shoes are a fashion statement, but I’ll take beef, if you please.

"Let’s Try Our Luck"
Halloween night we stopped in Albuquerque at the Route 66 Casino. We decided to take a shot at the tables. Agreeing to check in with each other at 9PM, we each went off to try our luck. After loosing $3, I quit and went to the camper. Bob showed up empty handed about a half hour later, having not played at all. The big players from California got gun shy. No tricks or treats for us.

Hope you’ve enjoyed our version of the Sunday Funnies. We’ve had some great laughs.